Friends or Tails
by thorteso
Summary: In the face of danger, Harm and Mac open up about their relationship.


Friends of Tails

1813 ZULU

JAG HEADQUARTERS

HARM'S OFFICE

FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

Commander Harmon Rabb watched as Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie made her way to her office. A lot had changed in a year. A year ago, Harm was with Renee and Mac was about to walk down the aisle with Mic Brumby. But it wasn't until Mac and Mic's engagement party at the Admiral's that the year truly started to spiral out of control.

After months of watching his Sarah, something he only called her in the privacy of his heart, preparing for a wedding to someone else, something inside Harm snapped. Was he ready to let go completely, no; but he wasn't ready to lose the option either. Standing out there on that porch they both cleared some things up in the most round about way possible. Only they, the top lawyers that they were, could bend words and meanings so many different ways, so that neither one of them had to admit to what they were truly feeling.

Until that kiss. When only action could show each other the longing and desperation they both felt that night. Somehow the world seemed right for that brief minute when they held each other and kissed passionately. But as always, duty calls. Reality returned in full force when they both had to walk inside, put a smile on their faces and stand next to their significant others, wishing that they could have remained within their dream world forever.

Reality hit Mac even harder when decided to tell her that he was going out for his quals and not going to the rehearsal dinner. To him is was the perfect out, he didn't want to watch her walk down the aisle, and worst of all, Renee used the wedding to remind him that she wanted them to follow suit, and soon.

But none of that mattered. As Harm lay in the cold Atlantic being tossed around, and Mac stood at JAG with tears streaming down her face, no one else mattered. Harm's only thought was to get back to Sarah before it was too late. Mac's only thought was how could she tell Mic that even if Harm was safe and sound at home, she still had serious doubts.

But as Mac soon found out, having Harm safe and sound at home did not make anything easier. Mic left her when she didn't reschedule right away and Renee was still hanging around Harm. When the last flicker of hope died was doused by Renee's father dying, she had to get away. Yes she understood that Harm needed to be there for Renee. But sometimes your heart and your head aren't on the same wavelength. She had her heart broken twice in one night. And somewhere along the way she lost who she was. She needed time to go find that tough Marine that was sleeping inside of her.

Enter the Guadalcanal. Another example of miscommunication and stubbornness on both Harm and Mac's part. Even if he was ready to give up Renee, she wasn't ready to jump right into another relationship. How could she when she didn't even recognize herself in the mirror anymore?

By the time of the Jagathon, they were working opposite each other on the Dill court-martial and the rivalry was felt in the office in full force. If Turner didn't feel part of the family up to that point, he was stuck right in the middle of it now. Mac was hurt when she heard Harm tell Sturgis that anyone who had been involved with her was dead or wishes he was. And Harm just couldn't seem to get past her walking away from him on the Guadalcanal. Granted they had both walked away from "them" many times, but he thought that after all they had been through she would know it takes him time to form him words, especially when it comes to emotions. Hell, he still practices his opening and closing arguments until late into the night before he goes to trial, especially against her.

But after the race and crossing the finish line together, they were again at the same spot as they were on the Watertown all those years before, starting at the beginning and trying to rise above all the bitter words to be friends and partners again.

And that was when things took a turn for the better. Harm smiled as he turned back to the pile of work on his desk and got down to work. He wanted to get out of here at a reasonable hour tonight and taking a trip down memory lane was not helping.

1835 ZULU

MAC'S OFFICE

JAG HEADQUARTERS

FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

Mac chanced a glance over at her former partner and best friend. Yes, finally she could call him that again. Since Christmas and that kiss under the mistletoe, no matter how brief and chaste it was, she couldn't help herself but to daydream about a certain Commander every once and a while. That kiss reminded her of another kiss, one that seemed to be the start of the chaos and confusion that surrounded her for the past 6 months. But this kiss on Christmas was the start of something entirely different. This kiss like the first, reminded her of the perfect world that was created when their lips met, and this time, reality wasn't so daunting. They didn't have other people who they had to go home to and their friendship was back on track.

Christmas had never been a particularly happy occasion for either Harm or Mac, but this Christmas, surrounded by family, hearing Turner's dad's sermon, something changed. His sermon on the father figure of Joseph was so fitting for both of them. Harm's Christmases were always a tragic reminder of his father being shot down on Christmas Eve. Mac's Christmases were reminders of times when her parents didn't have money to buy presents because it was spent either on her father's drinking or her mother's pain pills. But that Christmas, Mac was surrounded by the family she never had, and Harm was reunited with a piece of his father when Webb brought Sergei to The Wall. That Christmas healed some wounds for both of them and maybe that was why their friendship was thriving. Or maybe it was the kiss.

Mac realized after the kiss that the part of her that fell in love with the green-eyed aviator in the Rose Garden had never stopped loving him. And, as before when their friendship was going well, she felt more and more comfortable with him and fell more and more in love with him. But this time it was different. At first, 5 years ago, part of her loved the friendship they had more than the man. Loved having a man around her who didn't try to get her into bed every five minutes, but also could tell her she was beautiful, as Harm had done whenever they went to formal functions. That was a big difference between Dalton or Mic and Harm. Her love for Harm grew out of a gradual building of trust and admiration. Although she would agree that sometimes things between them moved a little too slow, it was refreshing and much better than being pursued and pressured. Now, after everything they had been through their bond was stronger and she was sure she loved the man, just as much as the relationship and the friendship they had.

And so started their months of going back and forth between the physical land mines of the Middle East and the political land mines of Washington. They were thrown together in investigations and opposing each other in court constantly, which neither one of them was complaining about. Now that their friendship was back on track and no one was walking on eggshells it was fun to spend time together and of course, flirt. Even when they fought their bond was growing. She had meant it when she said 'Don't be gentle, be good', in more ways than one. She wanted things to move faster with Harm, they had always moved slowly, gently...it was OK, but now, "good" would be moving faster.

With that last thought Mac was pulled out of her daydreaming by the object of her dreams himself knocking on her door.

"Enter," she said as she tried to pull herself together.

"Hey, Mac" Harm said as he leaned against her doorframe, a glimpse of his trademark smile on his lips.

"Hey yourself. What's up?" she replied trying to match his smile.

"Admiral wants to see us."

With a sigh Mac stood up and moved toward the door when Harm was standing. "What's up this time?" she asked as she silently resigned herself to going out of town again. 'At least it meant late nights working with Harm,' she thought.

"Well, from what I hear, I wouldn't make any plans for the weekend."

"Too bad," she said as she came to stand right in front of him, a little bit closer than "just a friend" would and lowering her voice, "I had plans to spend the weekend in bed..." Leaving Harm staring after her, part confused, part turned on, she led the way to the Admiral's office.

1922 ZULU

ADMIRAL'S OFFICE

JAG HEADQUARTERS

FALLS CHURCH, VIRGINIA

"Enter."

"Commander Rabb and Colonel MacKenzie reporting as ordered, sir!" Mac said as Harm was still trying to recover from what she had said outside her office.

"Have a seat people..."

As the Admiral went on to explain their mission and the background material, Harm let his mind wander. Mac could always fill him in later. The only thing exciting about going away again was spending time with Mac. He loved how much time they had been spending together. Even their fights were fun again. He loved that she kept him on his toes and that they weren't afraid to yell at each other. That's what set Mac apart from every other woman for him. She kept him honest, especially with himself, and knew how to reign him in when needed. And he loved how passionate she was about her job and her duties and how that spilled over into her personal life. They had a good balance. Where as he had clearly compartmentalized his life, separating work and personal, for Mac it was all the same. Even though sometimes that did lead to a very combustible situation, over the years she had taught him to allow his work life to mix with his personal life and he reminded her not to take things so personally. Although, now, thoughts of him mixing his work and personal life were the problem.

Having gotten their briefing from the Admiral, Mac and Harm were standing outside his office. After picking up transport information from Tiner, Harm turned to Mac "Alright, Mac, I'll pick you up in two hours, is that enough time?"

"Who said you are driving?" Mac asked.

Pulling a quarter out of his pocket, Harm said, "OK, fine, let's flip to see who drives to Andrews."

"OK, tails."

Harm caught the coin and showed heads. "Ha, I win. See you in two hours."

Mac just rolled her eyes and continued on to her office to pick up her things.

0205 ZULU

MILITARY TRANSPORT

EN ROUTE TO AFGHANISTAN

After spending time going over files and talking about the case, Harm and Mac both decided they should get some rest before they had to land and start working. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, Harm decided that even if they were in the back of the military transport and away from everyone else, this seat was just not made for sleeping. Hearing Mac sigh again he turned to her and said,

"Can't sleep, Marine?"

"Well, maybe I would if you would just sit still," she retorted.

"Alright, alright, nevermind. I was going to offer you a pillow but..."

"Pillow? You packed a pillow in your sea bag?"

"No, not that kind of pillow."

"Then what exactly are you offering me, Mr. Rabb?"

"Ha," he laughed as he turned halfway to her in his seat and started to pull her closer, putting her head on his chest and draping his arm around her shoulder. At her questioning glance he said, "well, you need a pillow and I just…ummm…well.... got any better ideas?"

"No."

"Alright then," he said as he pulled her a little bit closer, absentmindedly drawing circles on her arm. She snuggled in closer and they both reveled in the feel of being in the other's arms. Not they would ever admit that. Soon they were both content and on the edge of sleep. Just before she drifted off completely, Mac murmured, "Goodnight, Harm."

He smiled in his sleepy haze and snuggling his cheek in her hair said "Sleep tight, Sarah," as they both fell asleep for the rest of the flight.

1934 ZULU

DESERT

AFGHANISTAN

Lying under the stars, "sharing body heat", Mac thought about the horrific day. After swerving to miss a goat, Harm was thrown from the Humvee. Into a minefield. Mac shivered as she remembered placing a box of ammo where Harm's foot was so they could both jump to safety. She was acting like a Marine, but deep down she wanted to throw up. This was Harm and she was so close to losing him to a land mine. Especially after all that happened this past year and finally finding each other again. She couldn't imagine losing Harm, but witnessing it... Without realizing it she let out a sniffle and realized that the stars she had been staring up at were getting blurrier with every thought.

"Mac?" Harm had heard the sniffle and was worried. Had he done something wrong? Was she hurt from turning over the Humvee?

"Yeah, Harm?" She said, hoping her voice was stronger than her heart was at that moment.

"Are you cold or hurt or...." turning to face her he saw the tears in her eyes and knew that this was not a physical type of pain. "Mac, talk to me."

"It's OK, I just..."

"Mac, it's me. I know that you are a Marine and can take care of yourself but lets skip that bit tonight, what's wrong?"

Mac laid there silently in his arms for another minute before she whispered, "I almost lost you," finally giving into the tears that were clogging her throat.

Harm pulled her closer and murmured reassurances into her hair. Even sandy and sweaty from their adventure in the desert, her hair was soft and smelled like coconuts. After she had calmed down he lifted her eyes to meet his and said "Don't worry, I'm not done giving you hell yet, Marine," hoping to lighten the mood.

"Oh, great," she chuckled. After another minute of silence, she couldn't hold it in any longer. "Harm, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For everything. For everything that has come between us in the past 2 years. I mean, you sure didn't help matters at times, but I'm sorry for not really listening to you and well, I don't know, I'm just sorry."

"Mac, you especially have nothing to apologize for. Everything that has happened in the past two years or even the past 5 years...I have done a lot of things I regret. Said a lot of things that should have never even been thought. But what I regret most was not being there for you."

"But I didn't let you either. I threw away my best friend because I thought that I had to. I thought I had to marry Mic to be happy and I thought I had to get away from everything to find myself and I threw away my best friend because I couldn't forgive. It all just seems so stupid now."

"Mac, no matter what has happened, no matter what ever happens, I was never _not_ you best friend. Yes, we drifted apart, we both had a lot going on, with my crash and your non-wedding, and even before that, but no matter what, I will always be there when you need me, watch your six when you are in danger, anything you want me to. We don't stop being Batman and Robin or Butch and Sundance just because things aren't going great. Hey, you don't lose a connection like ours overnight."

"Look who finally got their foot out of their mouth when it came to talking about us," Mac teased.

Harm just laughed and said "about time, huh?"

"Yeah...thanks, Harm. For this. I'm not great at this friendship thing. Hell anything when it comes to relationships. I'm glad we understand each other again and things are back to normal, well as normal as sleeping under the stars in Afghanistan in BDUs can ever be."

After lying there for a few minutes still staring up at the stars, pulling each other closer to ward off the cold, Mac said, "you know...I could get used to this."

"Used to what?"

"Sleeping like this."

"Me too, Mac, me too." He said as he closed his eyes and welcomed the few hours of sleep they afforded themselves.

2216 ZULU

OUTSIDE THE SEAHAWK SICKBAY

MIDDLE EAST

It had been seemingly years since that conversation in the desert. Now as Mac was cuddled up close to Harm again, this time outside sickbay, both with tears running down their face.

"Harm?"

After clearing his throat and trying to get his voice under control before he spoke, but finding he couldn't, Harm grunted a question in reply.

"Why don't we go to the JAG office and talk?"

"OK," Harm was able to reply and followed her through the carrier to the JAG office, Bud's room. Still not willing to let go of each other once they got there, they both sat on the bed side by side, Mac curling up to Harm's side and Harm hanging on for dear life.

After time had passed and he trusted his voice again, Harm finally apologized, "I'm sorry, Mac, I don't know what's gotten into me."

"Harm, what's up? Please, talk to me."

"I don't know, Mac. I guess it all just hit me. Here I was feeling invincible. We survived the desert, even me stepping on a land mine, and then I chased that nuke and beat it. Life should have been perfect. But then, Bud...stepping on a landmine...just like I did...but..." Harm couldn't go on.

"I know." Was all she could say as she ran her hand up and down his back. Waiting for him to talk again.

"Mac?"

"Yeah, Harm?"

"Do you ever think about life?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well think about it. Bud has everything going for him: a beautiful wife who loves him and a son who adores him; a blossoming career. I thought it couldn't get any worse when Baby Sarah died. I thought that that was the something bad that they were going to have to endure. But now, Bud lost a leg... it just doesn't seem fair. He has a family waiting for him and a son who needs him."

"Just like you needed your father." Mac whispered to him.

Harm turned to her, looked at her for a minute and then said "yeah, just like I needed my father. Just like Sergei needed our father."

"You know, I always felt like Bud and I were kindred spirits of sorts. Our home lives growing up were similar. Not the same, Bud had Mikey and still has a relationship with his father, but still, I understand what his childhood was like. And yet, he is the kindest gentlest man, one of the best husbands and fathers I know. He really is someone to look up to."

"I have always admired Bud and what he has. I want a family. I want someone who loves me unconditionally. Someone who understands my flying, my career, someone who will put up with my stubbornness and even fight back. A child to rock to sleep and teach things to. But I am terrified that I won't come home from flying one of these times. Or that I will be away on investigations or missions and miss their first word or first play or graduation. I couldn't do that to someone I loved. I couldn't start a family with someone or marry them and do what my father did to my mother." Harm looked down and thought 'I couldn't do that to you Sarah', but kept that to himself, one emotional revelation at a time.

"Harm, first, you are not your father. And second, I know you. Even if you are on investigations or missions, you will make every effort to be there for your family. You will do everything in your power to give them the world. You know, flyboy, for all your arrogance, you really are pretty hard on yourself," Mac joked. "You know, I always admired Bud and Harriet too. I wanted what they had so badly that I was about to marry Mic, someone I had to convince myself I loved. I was settling. I always promised myself I would never settle. I may seem like the practical Marine at times, but I do believe in fate and that there is one person out there meant for me and that I will find him when I need to. When I am meant to. And I have also found that sometimes a soulmate can come in the form of a best friend too." She smiled up at him.

"Sarah, stay tonight. I don't want to be alone again...and I...can I just hold you?" He begged.

Mac looked at him. He called her Sarah. Wow, when the emotions start pouring they really start pouring. How could she deny him? She knew she loved him with all her heart and it was getting more and more complicated every time they slept in each other's arms. "Of course, Harm, all you had to do was ask. Just let me go to my stateroom and get something to sleep in, this is my last uniform"

"Wait." Harm said. He quickly got out of his shirt and took off his undershirt and handed it to her. "Here, you sleep in this. That way you won't have to go all the way to your room."

Mac looked at the shirt and considered this for a moment. Sleeping next to a bare-chested Harmon Rabb. No, she couldn't let her mind wander there. Then she looked up and into his eyes and saw the anguish, desperation, and maybe...was it really?...the love shining in his eyes and shrugged. "OK."

Harm took off his belt and climbed into the bunk to wait for her. Was he crazy for proposing this? Hell, he should be proposing. They have had some of the most honest conversations in their entire relationship that night in the desert and tonight. He knew he loved her and would never stop. What about all that stuff she had said, all that stuff about soul mates and not settling for Brumby?

With that thought she turned toward Harm and he had to take a deep breath. Although she was wearing his white shirt, he could still see the outline of the navy blue bra she had on underneath. Even Renee's sexiest lingerie could not beat the sight of Mac in his undershirt. Pushing those thoughts aside, he turned and smiled at Mac as she came to snuggle down on the bunk. Turning and facing each other they were nose to nose. Harm couldn't resist and placed a soft kiss on her lips, much like their kiss on Christmas. Mac smiled at him. The smile melted some of his last fears. After everything that had happened recently, waiting for the right time and waiting to let go seemed absurd. He knew it was now or never.

"Mac, thank you. For listening tonight. To all of my crazy rambling. For not laughing at my fears and thoughts. I don't know what I would do without you."

"It's nothing you haven't done for me." She smiled.

"But it's more than that. What you said about soul mates. Maybe they do come as best friends. Maybe they do come as spouses. And maybe, well maybe they....maybe they should be both."

Mac gasped and looked into Harm's eyes. Harm smiled back at her.

"Yeah, I just said that. But tonight. Tonight lets just sleep, at least for a few hours. I think I am going to need coffee in my system to finish this conversation," he chuckled. All Mac could do was nod. Harm kissed her forehead and pulled her close and she snuggled into his chest. Harm fell asleep quickly, emotionally drained from what happened to Bud and relieved because of all the things he had shared with Mac. Mac stayed awake for a while thinking about all that had happened. When she knew Harm was sleep, she said the words they weren't ready to really say to each other's faces yet and mumbled "I love you, too," into Harm's chest as she fell asleep.

0332 ZULU

JAG OFFICE

USS SEAHAWK

Slowly coming awake, Harm's arm was numb and he could feel something pressing down on his chest. As he came more awake memories from the night before started filtering through his consciousness and he realized that there was a very good, and very beautiful reason why he felt that way. A smile crept across his face as he opened his eyes and looked down into the eyes of one Sarah MacKenzie, his very own brown-eyed girl.

"Hi," she said as she placed her hand on his cheek feeling his morning stubble.

With a kiss to her nose he said "how are you this beautiful after almost no sleep?"

Blushing she started to sit up only to hit her head on the top bunk. Rubbing her head, Harm pulled her back down onto the bed laughing deep in his throat. After getting over her initial embarrassment Mac started laughing herself. Finally pulling away from him, Mac got up off the bunk.

"Where are you going so quickly?"

"Well, Sailor, I want to go check on Bud and then grab some breakfast, and copious amounts of coffee."

"Ah, I should have known that Marine stomach of yours would make itself known sooner or later."

Glaring back at him she teased, "well me and my Marine stomach have no problem going to eat without you. In fact, if you keep this up, buddy, my Marine stomach may be off limits to you for quite some time."

Grinning, Harm sat up on the bed so that his head was level with her stomach. "Let me apologize," he said as he bent forward placing a kiss on her belly button through the shirt. "Come on, just 10 more minutes in bed and then I will go with you."

"I don't think so, Flyboy."

"Fine, we'll flip for it." Reaching into his wallet on the desk he found a coin and told her to call it.

"OK, heads," she called with a smirk. Sure enough the coin landed heads and Mac took her uniform off the chair and went to change.

2130 ZULU

FAN TAIL

USS SEAHAWK

After a day filled with worry and anxiety, Mac stood on the fantail of the ship overlooking the ocean and trying to make sense of the last 24 hours. She was scared. Scared that life seemed to be spiraling out of control. But also scared that everything might be a dream. And feeling guilty that in the face of the most traumatic event of Bud's life, she might have found the love she had been looking for her entire life. Might have. Despite a promise to talk in the morning, life had become a whirlwind of emotions and activity, attempting to figure out who was to stay on ship and also talking to Harriet, trying to reassure her. What if Harm was just caught up in despair last night and now was having second thoughts? Why couldn't they have talked about this on a boring Tuesday afternoon instead of in the middle of the emotional rollercoaster that has been the past few days. Although their entire lives seemed to be like this, maybe they just weren't made to have a boring Tuesday afternoon.

Caught up in her thoughts, Mac never heard the hatch open behind her and the 6'4" naval commander step out onto the fantail behind her. "Hey, Marine," she heard his deep soothing voice. Startled she whirled around to see him standing in front of her, full flyboy grin on his face.

"Hi," was all she could respond, attempting a smile but failing miserably. She had to know, she couldn't play this game anymore. If this was all a dream it had to end now while she still had some dignity left.

"Hey, come here, what's wrong?" Harm said as soon as he saw the doubt in her eyes.

Against her better judgment, Mac went into his arms, sighing at the comfort she found there. Harm drew patterns on her back trying to soothe her, waiting until she was ready to talk. Finally, Mac whispered, "I'm scared."

"Come on, let's go back to the room so we can really talk this time." Wanting to take her hand, but remembering where they were, he led her to the JAG office where they were staying. Once there he started talking again. Standing in front of the most important judge/jury of his life.

"You are afraid that all of this between us will go back to the way it was before when we get home and things are less emotional, aren't you?" At her nod, he continued, looking down at the floor, "it may have taken me a long time to admit this, but please don't ever doubt how much I love you. For a long time I was confused about it and mistook it for a friendship. But there is no doubt in my mind now how much you mean to me and how much I need you. One of the reasons it took me so long to say this is because I knew with you it was forever. I was never rejecting you, I just didn't think I had my life together enough for forever. And I was so afraid that I wouldn't be who you wanted me to be and I would not only lose the love of my life, but my best friend too. I'm so sorry for every time I have ever hurt you Sarah, and I can't promise I won't do it again, but I can promise you that I love you, always have and always will."

Shocked by how easy it was to say all the things he had been holding inside for so long, he looked up at her and saw tears rolling down her face. She looked up into his eyes and said, "I love you so much. I can't imagine my life without you. And I'm the one who was worried that I wasn't good enough for you with all the things that I have done in the past. But I am still terrified. I have never felt this strongly for another person, or about anything. I'm afraid that if we start something then the friendship we have been rebuilding will be ruined. If I lose you, I lose everything, and I don't know if I can do that."

After a few minutes, both letting all that had been said sink in, Harm turned to her and asked "do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Do you believe me when I tell you that I love you and I will do everything I can to remind you of that everyday, even if we fight?"

"Well, now I do..."

"Do you love me too?"

She nodded in reply putting her head back down on his chest.

Taking a coin out of his pocket he said, "then we flip for it. If you win we can keep going on as we are now, just friends. But if I win....we get married. You call it."

She gasped and then looked deep into his eyes, trying to figure out all of the emotions she saw there. Married? They just said I love you for the first time! What if this quick engagement turned out like Mic? What if when it came down to it she just couldn't go through with it again. But then she saw the pure love in his eyes and knew it wouldn't be like with Mic. This was Harm. This was everything.

"OK...tails," she smiled nervously at him, watching as his face broke out into the biggest smile. Flipping the coin they both held their breath; Mac wondering if she could survive tails and Harm planning his argument to convince her to get married even if it landed on tails.

The coin slowly flipped through the air oscillating between two fates. Both were too nervous to catch the coin, watching as it hit the floor and bounced under the table. Both ducked down and a moment of deja vu broke the tension as they both started laughing. As the laughter calmed down Harm reached out and took her hand, "we'll do this together," he said as he turned towards the coin. Mac and Harm looked down at their future, seeing a coin landed on heads.

Harm couldn't wait any longer. He stood up pulling her against him and kissing her fiercely. Before it got too out of hand, he pulled back and looked into her brown eyes. "Are you OK with this? I love you so much and I want to get married, but I will understand if you don't. This isn't the best proposal, but I just don't want to waste time now that we finally know how each other feels."

Giving Harm a light kiss, she pulled back just far enough to say "Harm, I only call tails when I want to lose." With that she wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he pulled her hips to meet his.

As they got lost in their kisses, Harm gently backed them both up to the bunk. When the back of Mac's knees hit the bunk she broke off the kiss. "Think you are going to get lucky there, Sailor?"

"Well, I did just propose..." he said with a grin.

"Harm, you know I love you, but on a ship, in the middle of a war zone, not only was I picturing something a little more romantic, but maybe also something a little less against regs…"

"I would never do anything you don't want to do, and I am not asking for…everything tonight, but please, let me show you how much I love you," Harm begged.

"I know, I love you too," she said.

Since the bunk was barely big enough for the two of them to sleep last night, this was going to take some maneuvering. Pulling back, Harm knelt next to the bunk and started unbuttoning her uniform top. Getting impatient Mac started helping him. "Hey, slow down. Let me."

Laying back and letting him take off her blouse, Mac watched as Harm lovingly kissed every inch of the newly exposed skin. Once the shirt was unbuttoned he picked it up and threw it off the bunk. He kissed her belly button and then slowly made his way back up to her lips. Spending extra time at the valley between her breasts he looked up as he felt more than heard her laughing.

He threw her a questioning look which made her laugh all the harder. "Sorry," she finally breathed, "I just always assumed I would have been showered and be wearing black lace the first time we did this, not sweaty and wearing Hanes."

Smiling he moved back up to her lips and said, "it's a good thing you only have Hanes right now. I don't know if I could handle you in black lace right now. Hell, I think you are sexy in BDUs."

"Ooooo, I love role playing."

With a groan Harm leaned back down capturing her ear lobe in his mouth, gently sucking on it. He slowly moved down her neck leaving hot open mouth kisses in his wake. Her moans and gasps only urged him on. He reached behind her, deftly unhooking her bra and letting it go slack. Starting with her right shoulder he pulled down the strap, gently caressing her arm. After giving her left arm the same treatment, he finally captured her right breast in his mouth, leaving open mouth kisses, working his way to her nipple, which he gently flicked with his tongue.

"Oh, Harm," she exclaimed.

"Shhh, we're still on the Seahawk," he laughed. Going back to her breast he alternated between the two soft mounds, licking and gently sucking until she was writhing underneath his touch.

"Harm, please," she said as she pulled him back up to taste his mouth again. She sat up on the bunk, quickly taking off his uniform shirt and his undershirt and throwing them to the floor. Pressing herself up against him she kissed his neck, licking and sucking his pulse point.

He could feel her hard nipples against his chest and groaned at what she was doing to him. They were both getting desperate, Harm knew that if they were going to stop, it had to be now. "Sarah, Mac…oh God…stop"

Looking up a little dazed, Mac realized how quickly they had spiraled out of control. But she wasn't scared this time, this time losing control seemed to help her find herself and where she should be. "I know, Harm, it just feels, so…right."

Giving her a slow kiss on the lips, calming each other down, he sat up and started looking for their discarded clothes. "You were right before, I want to do this right, I want to give you a ring and take you out to a fancy dinner and make this perfect."

"After all," she smiled, "it is our last first time." With that thought warming them both they decided to just spend the night in each others arms, reaffirming their love spiritually if not physically, hoping that the morning and Harm's departure would never come.

End of Chapter 1


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